I am writing this days away from becoming a father for the second time. I am looking over at my 3 year old daughter lying sleeping on the sofa suffering from a cold that has floored her. I have spent the whole day helping my daughter mainly in the form of comforting her. I am attempting to help my wife as much as possible as she is 9 months pregnant yet trying to do too much. I live in a house of help.
I have presented at many conferences in the UK and further afield, written lots of coach education articles and presentations but this is my first ever blog.
I am not a fan of conforming so I have not googled how blogs work. If there is a magical recipe to writing a blog I don’t know about it. I have set two goals for each of my blogs:
1. Each blog will be written within 15 minutes
2. I will write from the heart with no editing
As this is the first blog on my new website and the goal of this site is to help people I thought I would speak about the simple principle of helping others.
This blog will apply to coaches, parents and players as helping is human nature.
As long as I can remember I have always got a kick out of helping people. It can be as simple as opening a door for someone or go as deep as being there for someone in their most sad of times. I do it without thinking but as I get older I am becoming more selective on who I help. This has come about from the emergence of social media in recent years.
I engage a lot on Facebook and many would say, especially my wife Ria, way too much. The Service Box business page has over 3,100 people on it so its clear to see I have managed to engage and maybe even help some through this page. However along the way I have made many mistakes by trying to help some who clearly are not looking for it.
A lot of my statements and questions on social media are to stimulate thought and reflection. I often ask questions of others peoples statements to get them to reflect on what they’ve written. Not to prove them wrong but to see if they can add layers to what they have written as quite these statements appear as black & white where the truth is often in a shade of grey.
The downside of my approach is some perceive I am trying to antagonise and/or belittle them. The result is these threads then become poisonous with many starting to become disrespectful or throwing their CV’s at the screen. It is at this moment I realise these people are not looking for help, they are seeking affirmation.
Therefore from this moment onwards I only want to engage with people who are interested in helping others. I want the people I work with to have a ‘pay it forward’ attitude. This way we can make a genuine difference in people’s lives including our own.
The people who don’t want to be helped and/or help others hinder the progress of themselves and others. They don’t do it consciously and if I told them this they would be highly offended but it is true. Think about it for a second…..
If you are a coach and you don’t want help then how can you preach or portray you want to help others?
If you are a parent and don’t work together with other parents to help each other for the betterment of all your children then how can you ask for help?
If you are a player and you don’t offer to help your peers then how can you expect anyone to give you help in isolation?
The bottom line, in my opinion, is if you want receive help you have to give help. Pay it forward and help create a culture/environment of everyone genuinely wanting the best for each other. Raise the bar by standing on each others shoulders.
There, done it, under 15 minutes and no editing, just typing from the heart.
If you know of someone who is a helper by nature please invite them to subscribe to the tennis community as I believe this will become a place where like minded people can achieve spectacular results together.
Thanks for taking the time to read my first blog.